The Exchange
by cactusx33
Summary: This is a crossover between Glee and the Inbetweeners. The latter wasn't listed on fanfiction, so I guess this is the first one . Simon and Rachel do a student exchange, and hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

**I got this idea from a really good Skins/Twilight crossover from little-miss-twilighter and realised at the same time that there aren't any Inbetweeners fanfics on the site. This is set during the first series of Glee and the second series of the Inbetweeners. **

**I don't own any of the characters, obviously.**

**Oh and also, I'm English and a bigger fan of the Inbetweeners than Glee, so apologies for any mistakes made in terms of the latter.**

**Chapter 1**

Jay Cartwright was drinking a can of coke as Will McKenzie came into the Rudge Park sixth form common room and sat down. He shifted slightly to make space on the settee, checking to see who else had entered.

"Morning, wanker," he said cheerily.

"Jay," Will replied, sitting down. "Has Simon been in yet? He said he had something important to say."

"Probably going mental because he's sprouted his first pube."

"Brilliant. But seriously, is he in?"

"Nah. Neil's usually late because he gets lost, but Simon won't be. He shits himself at the thought of being late."

"Expressed like a complete degenerate, but you're right," said Will, pointing to the door. Simon Cooper came through the common room door, his eyes scanning for his friends. Neil Sutherland came through behind him, and they both sat down next to Will and Jay.

"Go on then," said Jay as a greeting. "What's so important you had to get all of us together for?"

"Good morning to you too," replied Simon. "Don't think I'll miss you too much!"

"Miss me? What are you talking about, you bell end?"

"Do you remember that foreign exchange program I'm part of?" he said, slowly.

"I remember Patricé, if that's what you're asking. That French tosser." Will's eyes narrowed, remember Patricé and Charlotte Hinchcliffe.

"Exactly. Well, thing is, Gilbert called me into his office on Friday, and there's another opening he wants me to go for."

"Oh, classic," said Jay, rolling his eyes. "Who are you going to get this time? Some kraut kid who'll nick our towels and sniff our boxers?"

"The Germans aren't all like that, Jay," said Will, condescendingly. "But good question."

"Well, that's the thing. I'm not 'getting' anyone this time.," said Simon uncomfortably. "I'm going on a trip!"

"Ooh, a trip?" said Jay, mockingly. "Ooh, lovely trip!"

"Fun trip!" Will gave a thumbs up, joining in. "Is Neil's dad giving you a lift or meeting you there?"

"Oi, my dad's not bent!"

"He is a _bit, _Neil," said Simon. "And very funny, you lot. But I'm going way away. It's pretty far. America, actually!"

"_America?_" said Jay, taken aback. "You lucky git! How long for?"

Simon took a deep breath. "Six months."

"Six months?" said Will, taken aback. "You can't leave me with these two for six months, Si!"

"It's funny you say that actually, because Gilbert wants me to bring someone else. There are two spaces."

"Shotgun!" said Jay, loudly. Simon turned to look at him in surprise.

"You? Why do _you_ want to go to America?"

"You joking? Any sign of an English accent over there and they froth at the gash! I'll be knee deep in colonial clunge before you can say Yankee Doodle!"

"Imaginary girlfriends aren't a good reason to do a foreign exchange program, Jay," said Will. "It's about broadening your horizons."

"Well I'll be broadening my cock when I'm over there!"

"Brilliant. But I can't deny it would be good to get shot of you for six months."

"Are you sure you don't want to come, Will?" asked Simon, looking over at Jay and imagining his company for half of a year.

"Sorry Si. My revision won't do itself!"

"All yours then, Jay. It's not Miami, by the way," said Simon. "Nowhere near, in fact."

"Somewhere really hot though? Or New York?"

"Nope." Simon grabbed a piece of paper from his bag. "Ohio."

"Where the fuck's that?"

"Somewhere up north. It's pretty cold, apparently."

Jay shrugged. "Long as there's a steady supply of fanny, I'm not fussed where I live. But couldn't you have got something better?"

"I don't get to choose. That was Gilbert, and the guy he arranged it with who teaches at this other school. Mr Schuester, it says here. Weird name."

"That's a point," said Will. "Why is Gilbert going to such pains to organise this? Usually, he couldn't care less!"

"I think the department gets some money if it goes off. And the other teacher's been hounding him on the phone about getting it sorted out. He's getting annoyed."

"So you two are going, then?" said Will. "Leaving me here with Captain Brains for half a year?"

"Who's Captain Brains?"

"You are, Neil."

"Oh. Thanks very much!" Neil grinned stupidly. "Anyway. We'll have fun! Who are they sending in your place, Si?"

"It's a girl, so that's something. Her name's Rachel Berry."

"Well, while you're showing her around this shit hole, her mates back home will be showing me around their insides!"

"Try not to embarrass us, Jay," said Simon. "I don't want the Americans thinking I'm a twat as well."

"They'll think you're a twat the minute they set eyes on you," Jay replied. "What's this place called, then?"

Simon took another look at the sheet. "It's called McKinley High."

* * *

Rachel finished placing the contents of her locker into her backpack, gazing at it one last time. The lockers, as well as walls, rooms and people of McKinley would soon be a distant memory. She had no idea about Rudge Park, although she'd tried to look it up online. She felt sorry for the guy who was replacing her here; Simon Cooper would have to give up the lights of London for the obscurity of Lima. She headed towards Glee club, arriving first.

"Hey, Rachel," called Mr Schuester, "I got an email from Mr Gilbert at Rudge Park, and everything's set! Simon Cooper and his friend will be heading to Ohio later today. Which reminds me, I need to thank Finn and Kurt for playing host."

"Who will I will be staying with?"

"Your host family are called the McKenzies. I think one of them is a friend of Simon Cooper. I'm sure they'll be happy to have you." Mr Schuester smiled. "I gotta tell you, Glee club is going to be a different place without you, Rachel."

_You're just happy you can give my solo to someone else_, thought Rachel for a moment, but she smiled and nodded.

When she left the classroom, she saw Noah 'Puck' Puckerman in the corridor. Things had been complicated between the two of them recently, but he looked concerned to hear the news of her trip.

"So you're really going to London?" he asked as he headed towards her. "For six months?

"Practically. It's a few miles west of Big Ben and all those places. A place called Rudge Park."

"Sounds great!" Puck was trying to sound enthusiastic. "Who's coming here?"

"Two British guys. I just love the British. They're so…sophisticated!"

"They call soccer 'football'" said Puck, absentmindedly. "Who are we getting?"

"Simon Cooper, the guy that's signed up to the program, is staying with Finn. His friend is staying with Kurt. I don't know his name. But I know he'll be…"

"Sophisticated?"

"Exactly. And I want to dazzle the West End with my talent. I may not even come back to Ohio after the six months!"

"Well, good luck," said Puck, quietly. "I hear London can be a scary place."

* * *

"Is this the first time you've ever been on a plane, Jay?" asked Simon, looking at his friend's pallid complexion. They were sat in economy class (the exchange program did not have that much money behind it) ready to fly to Newark, where they would change for a direct flight to Dayton, Ohio. Once they were there, Mr Schuester would pick them up for the last drive.

"No!" said Jay, indignantly. "I've flown loads of times!"

"Like where?"

"Like Ibiza! Twice!"

"Oh, bollocks! When have you ever been to Ibiza?"

"Two summers ago I flew over for a week. Had to go meet a bird I knew who was starting a modelling career. Wouldn't do it without me there."

"I saw you all over that summer!" said Simon, triumphantly. "You never went to Ibiza!"

"Keep dreaming, mate."

"It's true! If I ever take her out you can ask her!"

"Oh, you still keep in touch? That's nice. I hear imaginary girls move on quick."

"The only thing that's gonna be imaginary is your chances of having a shag in the next six months!"

"Brilliant. Now shut up and watch the in-flight film."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Will stared at Mr Gilbert as the two stood at the Arrivals gate at Heathrow. At Rudge Park, the head of Sixth looked perfectly in place with his suit and natural ability to intimidate. Now, in an everyday setting, the effect was somewhat strange. He'd never been one of the students that failed to visualise their teachers in an everyday setting, which was why it was so strange seeing the school Gilbert out of school.

Phil Gilbert yawned. He resented wasting his Saturday at the airport picking up some insufferable youth accompanied by an even more insufferable one. He would have resented holding up a 'Berry' sign like some form of chauffeur, if he hadn't made Will carry it.

"I suppose I do have to thank you, McKenzie, for offering to be a host at short notice." He might as well have vomited the words out for all the enthusiasm with which he said them.

"You're welcome, sir."

"Now shut up until whatsherface arrives. I don't want the first thing she sees of our country to be me throttling you."

"Understood." His eyes scanned the throng of recent arrivals. By the time he set eyes on Rachel Berry, she had already noticed the sign. He took a moment to review the new exchange student; she was visibly more attractive than most of the girls at school, (Charlotte as an exception) obviously Jewish and perky. The perkiness was evident as she came bounding towards him and Mr Gilbert, her eyes on the sign.

"Hi!" she said, her gaze switching at lightning speed between her two greeters. "My name's Rachel. I'm just so excited to be here!"

"You should feel a pang of envy, McKenzie," said Mr Gilbert as a way of greeting. "You've finally found someone more irritatingly chirpy than yourself." But his manner changed slightly. Sounding as if he was reading off a list, he added, "I'm Mr Gilbert, the head of Sixth Form and the exchange program coordinator. This is Will McKenzie, your host for the six months you'll be here."

"I'm so glad to meet you!" squealed Rachel, seemingly immune to Mr Gilbert's disdainful tone. "I can't wait to see your high school!"

Mr Gilbert simply groaned, then turned on his heel and headed towards the car park. Will followed, helping Rachel with her bag as they walked.

"Don't worry about Gilbert," he said brightly, "he's an arsehole, but he doesn't care about any of his students so he'll leave well alone. How was your flight?"

"It was great!" Rachel replied. "The touch screen even had musical theatre! And I'm just so glad to be here, in London!"

"Rudge Park isn't exactly London. It's sort of out west. You can get a train in though."

"So it's like, the suburbs?"

"Pretty much. I used to live somewhere much nicer, but then my dad left my mum."

"How awful!"

"Yeah. He's a wanker."

"But I know I'll have the best time here!" And I hope your friends Simon and Jay have a great time at McKinley. We've got this little school club, and…"

"You should probably warn your friends about Jay. He's a borderline sex pest. Simon's alright though." They headed out into the car park, where a bored-looking Mr Gilbert was waiting for them in his car."

* * *

Simon and Jay made their way through Dayton airport, dragging their cases from baggage reclaim towards the Arrivals gate. Simon was taking in the sights; he had never seen America before, and even an airport was enough on the cultural side.

"Carry mine for me, mate," asked Jay.

"Why? You've got legs."

"Yeah, but I'm jetlagged!"

"You don't get jetlagged the minute you arrive, Jay."

"Alright then, you selfish git."

They descended the escalator into the main Arrivals lounge, and Simon immediately saw the 'Cooper' sign held up by Will Schuester. The teacher was young, much younger than his dad (and much less disgusting than Jay's) and unlike Mr Gilbert, looked like he actually enjoyed his job. He looked up and saw the boys heading towards him.

"Simon Cooper?" he asked, smiling. "Jay Cartwright?"

"That's us!"

"I'm Will Schuester from McKinley High. It's great to meet you guys!"

"Thanks," said Simon. Jay nodded.

Within half an hour they were on the highway towards Lima. Simon made polite conversation with Mr Schuester while staring out of the window; America was a beautiful place, and from what he'd heard Ohio wasn't even supposed to be one of the nicer ones.

"Mr Gilbert mentioned some sort of club you ran at the school?" he said when conversation lapsed.

"Oh, yeah. I run New Directions. It's the school's Glee club. We all have a really good time."

"What's a Glee club?"

"Don't you guys have them over there? Like a choir."

"We don't have a Sixth Form choir. Mr Gilbert says it would be pointless."

Will paused. "Do you guys…like Mr Gilbert? I talked to him on the phone, and he seems kinda…"

"He's a mong," said Jay, speaking up for the first time in a while.

"Don't know what that means, but I can guess. I don't know. Just got that he didn't really care, you know? He reminds me of someone at this school. The cheerleading coach."

"Your school has cheerleaders?" asked Jay, suddenly eager. Simon rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, the Cheerios. A couple of them are in my Glee club."

"I can't wait to join," said Jay quietly.

* * *

For anyone other than Rachel, the enthusiasm would have worn off after first entering the Rudge Park school gates. Will himself had not quite lost hope immediately on his first day, but it hadn't taken long. But even as Rachel sat in the Sixth Form common room, she seemed to be buzzing with excitement.

"So what's it like in America?" asked Neil, sitting between her and Will.

"It's okay, in Ohio at least. But some day I'd love to move to California. Or even better, London! Mind you, I live with two gay dads, so at least I don't feel too small-towney."

"You'll make Neil jealous," said Neil, immediately jumping on a golden opportunity. "He's only got one!"

"Oi, I told you my dad's not bent!"

"What's 'bent'?" asked Rachel.

"Nothing." Will stifled a laugh. "Anyway….oh shit, here comes Donovan."

Rachel looked at him inquiringly as the local school psychopath locked eyes on the three of them. Donovan stepped forward with an air of menace that made the other students stand aside, and Will gulped. But when he spoke, it was with the voice that he used for parents, teachers, and generally anyone that wasn't Will.

"Hi there," he said cheerily, "I'm mark. You must be Rachel. Really glad to welcome you to our school!"

"Thanks!" said Rachel, blushing slightly. He wasn't Finn by any standards, but was cuter than Will. "I'm really loving your school!"

"I'm glad about that. Anything you need, just talk to me!" He headed towards the door. When Will looked around, his face changed and he made a cut-throat gesture.

"He seems nice!"

"He's the local hard case that wants to tear my guts out."

"I don't believe that!"

"Neil?" Will looked over to his friend for verification.

"He's always been alright with me," said Neil, shrugging.

"I like your loyalty, Neil." Will shook his head in disbelief.

* * *

Finn observed his new houseguest briefly. Simon Cooper seemed like a nice guy. He didn't know what was wrong with his hair (apparently it was what the British called a 'quiff') but he had been perfectly polite so far. He didn't know what a British gentleman looked or sounded like, but he guessed Simon was it.

"So, how'd you find the flight, man?"

"It was great. Jay feel sound asleep after a few minutes so I got shot of him."

"Jay's your buddy that you came with, right?"

"Yep. Although I wonder about 'buddy' sometimes. He's an annoying git at the best of times."

Finn laughed, not altogether understanding him. "Is this the first time you've done something like this? Like a foreign exchange?"

Simon shook his head. He was sitting on his new bed, hoping to break it in before he slept in it. "I got a French guy once, but I never went back there. Kind of cocked things up by letting him get the shit beaten out of him at a party. But it's all good."

"Well, I hope America's as good as France would have been. You've got your first day tomorrow."

"Looking forward to it," said Simon, staring out of the window.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, three chapters and no reviews positive or negative. For those that have read this far (congratulations) tell me your thoughts! Did you like it? Hate it? You get the idea.**

**Chapter 3**

"Twenty two! Hike!"

Simon had no idea what those words meant, but what he did know was that he was the first line against a line of huge football players that were intent on mangling him. When Finn had invited him to experience a training session, he told him he'd be playing offensive tackle. That was another mystery.

He saw Jay laughing his head off as he sat on the bleachers, then realised why; he got thrown to the ground by the defensive line, gasping for air as the game carried on above him.

"Alright, that's enough!" called the coach. He was a short, aggressive-looking man with Japanese features on an American face. He'd been introduced to Ken Tanaka only briefly, but despite his barked commands he'd seemed friendly enough. He'd tutted slightly when Finn had asked to let him train, and his fears that he wouldn't be up to it had been correct.

"Enjoy that?" he asked sarcastically to Jay when he'd picked himself up and headed over to the bleachers.

Jay smirked. "Pretty much. What did you want to do that for? You like the idea of being touched up by a bunch of blokes?"

"Shut up! I just wanted an experience is all."

"Yeah, a gay experience!"

"Wouldn't talk like that if I were you. The guy you're staying with might get a bit offended."

"Kurt? Fuck off. Do you reckon?"

"It's a bit blatant. So yeah, unless you want to find yourself a place to live, give it a rest."

"Fair play."

Finn came jogging up to them, his face awash with sweat. He hadn't expected Simon to get mauled so badly, and felt somewhat guilty.

"You okay?"

"Oh, yeah," said Simon, sounding as someone who had a punctured lung and was trying to pretend he didn't. "That was fun!"

"Do you wanna sit down, or something?"

"Nah, I'm okay. So, where are we headed next?"

"There's a meeting of that club Mr Shue said he told you about. You're coming, right? It'll be fun."

As he headed off to the showers, Jay spoke quietly to Simon.

"Oi. Are we really going to a fucking choir?"

"You heard him. Thought you told Shuester you couldn't wait to join?"

"Because of the cheerleaders, you ponce. But they don't strum themselves over blokes that sing!"

"Finn does alright."

"Yeah, but at the same time I wouldn't call him a bender to his face. You get the shit kicked out of you by twelve year olds already, so what are you going to do?"

"Right, for one, he didn't kick the shit out of me."

"He blatantly did."

"Second, you're not exactly Jean Claude Van Damme yourself."

"I can handle myself. I just don't want to look like a bender is all."

As they followed Finn to the meeting of the Glee club, Simon was struck by how many different students there were. He counted two cheerleaders, a boy in a wheelchair, two football players, an Asian goth and a large black girl. The club was diverse, much more so than anything in Rudge Park (although, they didn't have clubs at Rudge Park, so it was hard to judge) and they seemed friendly. Will Shuester smiled them in and indicated for them to find a seat.

"Ah, thanks for coming, guys! I'd like you to meet my Glee club. Why don't you introduce yourselves and, uh, tell us a bit about yourself? Interests, for example."

Simon went first. "Hi, I'm Simon Cooper. Uh, I like music. And football, the English kind. Just watching it. I'm not that good at playing."

"Thanks for that," said Will, smiling. "And Mr Cartwright?"

Jay turned around. "Hi, my name's Jay, and I like the clunge!"

"The clunge?" asked Santana.

"Oh, it's a game we play back at home," said Simon, thinking quickly. He shot a disgusted look at Jay, who merely shrugged at him.

"Thanks for that. You already know Finn and Kurt, but I'd also like you to meet Quinn, Mercedes, Tina, Artie, Britney and Santana!"

"Hi," said Simon.

"As I said before, Glee club is about singing. Singing is the best way to get things off your chest, it really helps and we have a lot of fun. And I think you'd have a lot of fun if you joined the club for while you're here. Would you be interested?"

Yeah!" said Simon. Jay gave a subtle eye roll that only Simon picked up on, but he still said yes.

"That's great! Why don't you start, as our guests of honour, by singing something for the club? Anything you like."

Jay shot Simon another look. "We don't know how to sing any songs. Not without a karaoke screen."

"Well, there is one," Simon replied, mouthing the word _Angels_ to his friend. Jay responded with a grimace and a shake of the head.

"It's okay, guys. Everyone in here is in here for a love of singing."

"Ever since Rachel left," came Kurt's voice from the back, and everyone burst out laughing.

Simon stood up first, and Jay reluctantly followed. "You probably won't know this one, it's an English karaoke classic, but at least it's the only song me and Jay know the words to. So, uh, here's _Angels _by Robbie Williams."

Jay couldn't believe his ears as Simon broke into song. He'd never known his friend to have the sort of confidence it took to sing like this. But grudgingly, he joined in at _Does an angel contemplate my fate?_ with as much bravado as he could muster. The club seemed to be enjoying it. Even the cheerleaders. He tried to make eye contact with Santana.

* * *

Rachel felt slightly nervous as she headed into Mr Gilbert's office. The head of Sixth was reading the Daily Telegraph, looking as surly as ever. She didn't get the best vibes from the man; he was not a passionate teacher like Mr Shue.

"What is it?" he called out, without looking up from the sports page.

"Oh, good morning, Mr Gilbert. Could I have a moment?"

"If it's necessary." The eyes still did not move from the newspaper.

"It's just, the thing is, back at my school we have a club I'm part of. A Glee club, where we meet on Thursdays and sing. I've been talking to some students here. Will McKenzie, Carli D'amato, Louise Graham, Charlotte Hinchcliff, Mark Donovan, Neil Sutherland, although I don't think he knew what I was talking about. They think it would be a good idea!"

Mr Gilbert looked up for the first time. "Berry, do you see this paper in front of me? I'm a senior educator at a big school. I have a schedule that takes me all day and through to the weekend. My only reprieve from all this is this paper here. And the reason that, unlike so many other people in my position I alone get to take time off reading it is because my students don't bother about starting things like clubs. Or activities. The more work you do, the more work I do. Get the picture?"

"Yeah," said Rachel, put off slightly. "But you wouldn't have to do any work. I'd organise everything. I bet if I talked to Mr Shuester back home, he'd give me some tips. We'd run ourselves! All we'd need is a couple of hours in the gym every week."

"I thought they'd closed that gym," said Mr Gilbert. His eyes were now back on the newspaper and his voice contemptuous. But Rachel kept looking at him and eventually he sighed. "Alright, fine. But Berry? If this little club of yours interferes with my routine, it'll give me great pleasure to shut it down _personally. _Do you understand?"

"I do, sir," said Rachel, quietly. "I promise, I'll handle everything."

Gilbert rolled his eyes without breaking his gaze from the newspaper, which struck Rachel as an impressive feat. "Alright then. Go."


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Hadn't originally set out to finish my little story. Didn't really know where I was going to take it. But thanks to some kind reviews I think I'll try! This will be the last but one chapter.**

**The Exchange**

**Chapter 4**

"She's just a small town girl…" Will McKenzie's voice echoed in the empty sports hall, singing aloud. Rachel Berry stepped out from behind him, with Mark Donovan and Carli D'Amato behind her performing backup vocals.

"Living in a lonely world!" she sang, remembering when she'd done Journey back in Lima. They broke into chorus in perfect union, giving each other the slightest of nods for encouragement. Will even broke out into a dance at the climax line of _"Don't stop believing!" _prompting a smile from Rachel.

"What do you think, Mr Gilbert?" Rachel asked when they had finished. The head of Sixth watched near the stage. In response he looked up, grunted, and left without a word.

"I think he liked us," Rachel said, rolling her eyes. After weeks of the complete indifference of this man, she had come to wish Mr Shue was here. Sure, he tried to sabotage her future on occasion, but he cared. Gilbert did not. In a way, he was even worse than Coach Sylvester; at least she cared about her Cheerios in her own twisted way.

When Rachel had left the stage, Donovan came up to Will and leaned in, menacingly.

"Next time you dance like a spastic, McKenzie, I'll tear your fucking bollocks off and feed them to you."

Will rounded on him, frowning. "Why are you here, Mark? You hate pretty much all your fellow Glee club members!"

"I'm trying to do my best to welcome our new student," he said, as if offended. "She needs support."

"Okay one, Rachel's been here for like a month and a half. And two, why couldn't you have done your best to welcome _me_ when _I _was a new student?"

"That was different."

"Why?" Will demanded.

"Because you're a fucking prick." Donovan elbowed him the ribs violently, forcing Will to double over. As he walked away, he threw Will a middle finger.

When Will had recollected himself, Rachel came back over and gathered Will, Neil and Carli together. "Okay, guys," she said, raising her voice. "There's a school that wants a singing competition with us! I've already told Will. They're up in the north somewhere, in a place called, uh, Wakefield?"

"Will said something about that, didn't you Will?" Neil said, a typically blank expression on his face.

"I don't think I did," said Will sharply, giving Neil dangerous eyes and shaking his head subtly.

"Yeah, it was something like, 'I bet they don't even have a choir, they just want to laugh at us'. Something like that?"

"Exactly like that, Neil," Will hissed, his teeth gritted. His friend really had no idea of discretion. Rachel looked slightly hurt for a moment, but kept going.

"The sing-off is scheduled for a couple of weeks. We'll be gone for…a while. Anyone who can't make it, let me know. Also, bring as many people along as possible for the audience."

"I've got one person in mind," said Will. "Neil's dad. He _loves _musicals."

"I told you, my dad's not bent!" said Neil, angrily.

"He is…kinda, Neil," said Rachel. Will's eyes immediately shone.

"She's learning!" he said, delighted.

* * *

"Ooh, friend," said Noah Puckerman softly, sitting on the Glee club benches before practice.

"Almost," said Simon, sitting near him. Brittany, Santana and Artie watched in interest. Unlike Jay, Simon was fitting into the Glee club well. The others liked him and would be sad to see him go. "You say it high pitched. Like, 'Ooh, fwiend!' And don't forget the thumbs up."

"Why does it annoy so much?" Artie asked.

"Long story. But do it perfectly and you'll piss him off properly."

"Good," said Santana. She took out a small device with a button. "I've got a clicker to tally how many times that little pervert has hit on me this week. If it goes above fifty, I'm going to Figgins."

"How did you become friends with him?" asked Puck. "You guys are, like, complete opposites!"

"We've known each other for ages. I've got better friends," he added quickly. "Well, one."

The rest of the Glee club filed in to the room, including Jay, with Mr Shue at the rear. Jay gave off a small wave.

"Alright, benders?"

"Friend!" said Santana, grinning.

"What?" said Jay, his eyes immediately widening.

"Fwiend!" repeated Artie. Jay grimaced and stared daggers at Simon.

"You _wanker!"_ he said, angrily, sitting beside his friend.

"Sorry mate, but I thought it would be too hilarious not to tell them."

"Football fwiend!" said Puck, putting his thumbs up.

"Fuck off!" retorted Jay. "You want to hear something embarrassing about this wanker? He once got beat up by a six year old!"

"He never beat me up!" Simon fired back, but he was enjoying the joke too much. Jay began to laugh as well.

"Okay guys, settle down," said Mr Shuester. The room fell into instant quiet. "I've got some…pretty interesting news for you all. I just got an interesting phone call. And when Glee club's over, I'm going to be making another one."

"What's going on?" asked Finn.

Getting ready to tell his news, Mr Shue grinned contentedly.

* * *

Mr Shue did, in fact, make a call _straight _after Glee club. He couldn't wait to tell the news he'd received. He dialled a number, hoping he hadn't got the area codes wrong.

"Hello?" came the voice on the other end.

"Hi, Rachel," he said. "Sorry if it's a little early. I can't get my head around the time difference. You'd think for a Spanish teacher, I…" his voice trailed off. "So, I've got some news."

"You have?" Rachel was suddenly very excited. Shue smiled at his student's enthusiasm.

"It's on!" he said loudly, not being able to prolong the surprise anymore. "It is one hundred percent on."

"Oh my God!" squealed Rachel happily. "I'll tell the others!"

When Rachel received the call, she had been about to go to school. She got dressed quickly, meeting Will and his mum downstairs for a lift to school. She would not say anything yet. She asked Will to assemble the Ridge Park Glee club in the Sixth Form common room for a meeting. What she had to say couldn't wait.

When she finally reached the common room herself, the entire club had gathered around; Will, Neil, Carli, Louise Graham, Charlotte Hinchcliff and Mark Donovan looked to Rachel in anticipation.

"I wanted to say I was sorry, first of all," she said, unsure of how to build up to her big announcement. "I've lied to you." She cleared her throat. "We're not going to Wakefield. I don't know anyone in Wakefield. I just looked up a random place that was far away."

"Why?" asked Will.

"Truth is, I wanted you guys to arrange a week off with your parents. A week off from Sixth Form isn't a problem. But I couldn't tell you why because I hadn't got it all confirmed yet. This morning, I did."

"Where are we going?" asked Carli.

"We're going to McKinley," Rachel said, not being able to keep it in anymore. "The Rudge Park Glee club is going to have a sing-off _slash _cultural exchange with McKinley High!"

The club stared at her, open mouthed. "How are we going to pay for that?" asked Will.

"You won't pay for a thing. Mr Shuester got a call from the exchange program coordinators this morning. They're willing to finance a full exchange!"

Carli and Louise exchanged delighted looks. Mark looked happier than he ever looked.

"I know, it's pretty implausible for them to go so far, but they're really committed to the program," said Rachel, addressing the doubts of both the club and, no doubt, anyone reading this who knows we're in a recession.

"I'm so excited!" said Neil.

"You're excited about smelling your own farts," said Will. "I, on the other hand, am _genuinely excited!"_

_

* * *

_

"Can you imagine Rachel being in charge of the Glee club over there?" said Kurt as they discussed Mr Shue's announcement.

"I bet it's creepy," said Finn. "Like, she rules with an iron fist or something."

"Are you excited about your friends coming over?" Tina asked Simon.

"Oh, yeah. They handle Jay a lot better. You'll like Will. Neil's okay if you can get past the overwhelming stupidity."

"I want to speak to Briefcase, actually," said Jay. "Maybe he can translate some of what Kurt talks to me about."

"Like what?"

"Latent homosexual tendencies." He shrugged. "Kurt accuses me of having them all the time. But he didn't tell me what they were."

"It's not an accusation, it's a fact," said Kurt, next to him. "No one as seemingly obsessed with female genitalia as you could be anything _but _gay." Jay laughed. He got on strangely well with Kurt. Of course, he'd never really seen what he called a 'bender' before. Once he met the real thing, it was pointless to call him it.

"Are your friends any good at singing?" Shue asked. "I mean, you know, if we wanna win…"

"Depends. Who's on the singing list?"

He grabbed the list and read it out to Simon. "Will McKenzie, Neil Sutherland, Mark Donovan, Carli D'Amato-"

"_Carli's coming?" _Simon suddenly said. The others turned around.

"Who's Carli?" asked Santana, with a pang of jealousy. Despite his awful hairstyle, she liked Simon. He probably wasn't good enough for her, but who was?

"_Donovan's _coming?" said Jay, despondently.

"You don't get along?" asked Shue.

"He's like the slushies you get in the face, times a million," Simon replied. "Kind of a bully."

"Well, the event will be well monitored, so you don't need to worry about anything."

"I can't believe Carli's coming," Simon said, his mind elsewhere.

* * *

Kurt pestered Jay constantly for information about their competition. Jay had never seen him this competitive before, but he could imagine the reason why. It was Rachel. Kurt didn't get along with Rachel, so it would make him especially happy to beat her. Simon got the feeling that the others found Rachel somewhat intimidating.

"You really don't have to worry," he said to put his friend's mind at ease. "They must be in Glee club about now. Want me to tell you _exactly _what they're doing?"

"Okay?" said Kurt, puzzled.

"Briefcase and Donovan will be fighting over Charlotte Big Jugs behind the stage somewhere. Or Will might try to chat her up and Mark will be planning on how to kill him. Carli and Louise Graham will be talking shit about what they're going to wear to America, or maybe Carli might be noshing a cheeky one out at the thought of seeing Si again. I know he will. And Neil? He'll be chasing a ball around. Or he'll be lost."

"I don't really know what you said just now," said Kurt slowly. "But I take it to mean you're not worried about the competition?"

"Trust me. They're doing exactly that."

"You know a lot about your friends," said Kurt. "I don't know a lot about my friends in Glee."

"Oh, they're not my friends," said Jay. "Well, Will and Neil are. The rest are a bunch of cunts."

"So vulgar," said Kurt, shaking his head. He chuckled slightly.

* * *

The following weeks passed with lots of training on both sides of the Atlantic. New Directions, motivated by the idea of beating a club Rachel had full control over, trained especially hard. Back in Rudge Park, Rachel drilled the others as much as she could. She had the chance not only to show how well she could run a Glee club…but that she could run it better than Mr Shuester. She wasn't saying she wanted his job…not yet, anyway.

The time for the sing-off came around quickly. Sectionals were forgotten as a secondary priority. The Glee club were the only students not to notice that it wasn't just the competition coming; the end of term would come as well. After Rachel's quick trip back, she would be returning for summer vacation. The same would happen with Simon and Jay; Simon especially was not looking forward to flying home for exams before spend a dreary summer holiday back home with the others. He wanted to stay here in Lima, hanging out over the holidays. He knew he would be lucky to come back here, at least for a while. The thought made him a little bit sad.

Rachel, for her own part, would miss Rudge Park but was not reluctant to go home. She missed the relative glitz and glamour McKinley offered. Mr Gilbert was a terrible teacher and she would take Coach Sylvester over him any day. As for Mr Shue…well, she'd underestimated him.

It was early Tuesday morning when Rachel, Will and the Rudge Park Glee club flew out to Ohio. They were economy class, as Simon and Jay had flown. Will understood that some of their parents had made a contribution to the flight costs.

Mr Gilbert was coming as well, that was virtually obligatory, but he marked his disdain for the whole enterprise by insisting on sitting as far away on the plane as possible. To that end, he'd used his own money to upgrade to first class.

"I can't believe we're going to America," said Carli as she read through her boarding pass.

"Believe it," said Rachel, smiling. "Oh, and I forgot something. We need a name."

"Aren't we the Rudge Park Glee club?" asked Will.

"Yeah, but we need our own name. McKinley is New Directions. What should we call ourselves?"

"What about Team Twat?" said Donovan, looking menacingly at Will.

"Keep trying."

"What about 'the Cunning Runts'?" said Will, laughing softly. Even Donovan couldn't suppress a laugh.

Rachel considered it for a moment, unaware of the meaning. "Where did you get it?"

"Well, we're all pretty clever," said Charlotte, joining in. "And none of us are that tall. Except Mark and Neil."

"Yeah, I guess that is pretty clever!" said Rachel, smiling. "Okay, the Cunning Runts it is!"

* * *

The first thing Simon saw when the terminal doors opened was the awkward walk of his best friend as Will came first through the arrivals gate. He was waiting with Jay, Kurt, Mr Shuester and Finn.

Will walked quickly towards Simon and Jay, smiling awkwardly at the others. Neil bounded up like a Bull Mastiff terrier. Carli, Louise, Mark, Charlotte and Mr Gilbert filed in behind.

"How's it going mate?" Simon asked, brightly. "Been a long time!"

"How have you been, Si?" Will asked. Kurt and Finn smiled and greeted the others. Gilbert came through behind, and Mr Shuester moved forward and extended a hand.

"Phil Gilbert?" he said, smiling. "Hi, I'm Will Shuester. It's good to finally meet you!"

"It's a pleasure," said Gilbert coldly, sounding as if the fires of hell were more of a pleasure. Nodding slightly at his response, he stepped forward and addressed the Cunning Runts.

"Hey guys, I'm Will Shuester, this is Kurt Hummel and Finn Hudson. You've probably had a long flight so you probably don't want to hang around that the airport too long. I've got a minibus outside to take us all back."

There was a long drive back to Lima, and Louise and Charlotte fell asleep on the way. Simon chatted to Carli and Finn, whereas Jay introduced Kurt to Neil and Will. Kurt had always thought the tragic brain damage that must give Brittany her immense stupidity, but meeting Neil, he realised it was probably all too common.

Mr Shuester tried to keep a conversation going with Mr Gilbert as he drove, but the latter's disinterest, ending in violent snoring, eventually discouraged him.

* * *

He'd been able to put the team up at a motel in Lima for one night; the exchange program's money was wearing thin, and he'd had to put up some for the room personally. He didn't mind this; Puck, Santana, Artie and Brittany had volunteered to put up beds in addition to Kurt and Finn, but to organise host families, he'd have to take them to meet the others. After a long flight, that wasn't fair.

"And you can crash at mine," he said to Mr Gilbert, when he had woken up. "Would be weird if I offered one of the kids."

"It's _weird _now," Gilbert replied, wincing over the word 'weird' to indicate his hatred of such an American parlance. Mr Shue, unable to comprehend the sheer rudeness of the man, just shook his head and quietened down. Between Gilbert and Jay Cartwright (not Simon Cooper; he was a good guy) he started to wonder if he'd approached the wrong school.

The next day, he brought the Cunning Runts to Glee club. There was interest as New Directions finally met what they thought were the perfect army Rachel had fashioned for herself. Instead they saw a bunch of scruffy-looking English kids, still tired from the flight.

Once introductions were made, Mr Shue discussed sleeping arrangements. Santana was happy to take Carli and Louise. Simon had wanted Carli to stay with him and Finn, but Mr Shue had rejected that immediately, much to the relief of Finn. Will got put with Jay and Kurt for the week.

"Neil can stay with me," Brittany said after the two had talked for a few moments. "He's, like, the smartest person I ever met."

"_Really?_" said Will, and Jay snickered.

Puck offered to put Mark up, and Will got nervous when he heard them discuss what sounded like tips on bullying. Will did not catch most of the conversation. All he heard was Mark saying, "I like it. But I don't think we have slushies in England."

After Glee club, Will met up with the others in the cafeteria. Jay and Simon looked like they were having fun in America, but that wasn't what was on his mind.

"I can't believe where I'm sleeping," he moaned.

"S'alright," said Jay. "There's a spare bed. Kurt's a good guy. You'll be alright."

"Oh yes, I suppose I'll be fine," he replied sarcastically. "Between a bumder and a man who probably chronically masturbates even in his sleep, I bet I'll have a great night!"

"Don't call him a bumder," said Jay, somewhat defensively.

"Ooh, is he your fwiend?" said Will, holding up a sarcastic pair of thumbs.

"He is, actually," said Jay, indignantly. The table was silent for a few moments.

"Hey, that's not how it works," said Will. "_You _don't get to be the one who has a mind-opening experience. You're usually the one we don't manage to convince!"

"Like you never convinced me you're straight, you cock gobbler!" said Jay, grinning.

"Who do you think's gonna win the sing-off, then?" asked Will. Simon looked thoughtful, and Jay shrugged.

"Don't give a fuck, to be honest. I just care who's fit. Which is _every fucking bird there._"

"You really are a pig in people's clothes," said Will. "Well, it should be interesting, either way."


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, we are now at the last chapter. Thanks again for the reviews, and hope you have enjoyed The Exchange!**

**Chapter 5**

"Oi, prick!"

Will spun around and was instantly relieved that the voice he knew so well was not addressing him. Mark Donovan had targeted a smaller student, a boy he didn't know, who looked instantly afraid. In what Will took to be slightly over the top, he threw a pink drink (Finn had called it a 'slushie') over the boy, who shrieked softly.

Donovan was with two large youths wearing football jackets. Will remembered they were called Azimio and Karofsky, and were apparently worse bullies than Mark himself. The larger one, Azimio, nodded slowly. He put a hand under Mark's elbow.

"Pretty good, man," he said. "But next time, do it at an _angle. _Use your shoulder. You get a better aim."

"I wish we had these back home," Donovan replied. The boy who had been 'slushied' ran off, horrified. Will himself slunk against the locker. To avoid being seen by Donovan and his new allies, he headed off back to meet the others.

"So, you're saying you've _never _tried to sneak into a pub?" Jay was asking Mercedes as Will found them further on by the lockers.

"There's a bar near the school but we've never tried to sneak in," Kurt was saying, next to her. "We're seventeen."

"And?" Jay replied, noticing Will. "We used to go down the pub every term. Until this dick here ruined it," he said, indicating to Will, grinning.

"Yeah, my dad was doing stuff at seventeen you're still not allowed to do now," said Neil.

"Homosexuality's legal now, Neil, but appreciate the contribution," said Will. Jay laughed.

"I'll say it to you as well," said Kurt to Will, "this amount of gay jokes _clearly _marks you out as an overly repressed homosexual."

"No it doesn't," said Will, uneasily. "We're talking about Neil's dad here! He's the gay one here!"

"No, _I'm _the gay one here," Kurt corrected. "And I have a finely tuned gaydar."

"You did wear that tank top that one time, Will," said Neil, joining in.

"That would be so my mother didn't think she'd chosen a wrong birthday present," he replied indignantly.

"I know what her birthday present to _me _would be," said Jay. "You need to see Will's mum, Kurt. She's not a MILF, she's a MINF. _Mother I need to fuck."_

"Again, gay," Kurt replied, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry," said Jay, sheepishly. "So anyway, what do you think? Bit of a drink before we fuck off back home? Get someone with a connection at school to mark up some fake IDs. What about the raspberry ripple?"

"I told Artie that means cripple, and he's pretty angry," said Mercedes. "Anyway, just because the guy's got glasses and he's in a wheelchair doesn't mean he's Stephen Hawking. None of us know how to get a fake ID, except P-"

"Puck," Kurt finished.

"Puck." Mercedes nodded. "Anything that breaks the law, you pretty much go to Puck."

* * *

They met at a bar near the McKinley campus. Puck, true to form, provided the fake IDs for both Glee clubs for a nominal $10 fee. Many of the Glee clubbers had not drunk before and got drunk reasonably quickly.

"…And so they grab him by his ankles and throw him in the lake!" said Simon, laughing. "And they don't leave him anything! He has to run home naked!"

Santana, Puck and Britney, who were sitting at the table with him, Neil and Will, burst out laughing. Will gave an involuntary chuckle.

"You should have seen when Simon got refused to this club. He was _so _desperate to get in he bought these shoes of a fucking tramp! _And _he'd pissed in them!" Watching the disgusted reactions of the others, he continued. "You'd do anything for that Carli, mate, it's pretty sad."

"How close are you guys?" asked Santana, with what none of the boys detected as a pang of jealousy.

"Don't ask," said Will. Santana looked slightly downcast.

"I wish we had zany stories like yours," said Puck, "but we're primetime."

"Ah," said Will, "we're post-watershed so we're allowed anything from wank jokes to drug use. There's some people we know around our age in Sixth Form in Bristol, and they get away with _anything."_

"I got a massive hard on watching them," said Neil, blankly.

"What are you guys going to sing for the competition?" asked Puck.

"Charlotte and Louise wanted to sing Tinie Tempah, but we played it to Rachel and she said no rap. So we're doing one of hers. It's Journey."

"Rachel _loves _Journey," said Puck. "We don't know what we're doing. There's a couple of songs from the Rocky Horror Picture Show we've been practicing. Simon's gonna be Rocky."

"I never watched it," said Will.

"Neither did I, but apparently I have a great singing voice," Simon replied.

"It's true," said Santana, smiling at him. Simon's problem was that after years of chasing Carli, he'd never think a girl so more attractive would be interested in him, and wasn't picking up on her signals. It was different for Neil with Brittany; he simply didn't understand signals whatsoever.

Over on the table, Jay was unsuccessfully trying to chat up Quinn. He'd tried to do it frequently over the last few weeks, in addition to Tina, Santana, Brittany and even Mercedes. With a Pabst in him, he was even more of a sex pest. Will slapped his shoulder, and shook his head. Jay, disappointed, nodded to admit defeat. He went to the toilet, and Will was left with Quinn. He hadn't spoken to her yet; he'd lived a sheltered life with no sexual contact. She had had a _baby._

"Hi," he said uneasily.

"Hi," said Quinn, pleasantly. "You're Will, right?"

"Yeah," Will smiled nervously. But before he'd had a chance to start a conversation, Quinn stared over to where he'd been sitting.

"Oh, Santana, you naughty girl," she said, giggling. Will turned around and Santana and Simon had left the table. They were kissing in the corner of the bar. Back at the table, Neil held hands with Brittany.

"She's liked Simon for a while," said Quinn, softly. "He's a good guy. And he talks about you a lot. You're probably a better friend than the asshole he came here with."

"Jay's a complete pervert," Will agreed. "But he's okay. You should see his dad."

* * *

Will and the others, to Rachel's relief, finally got around to training seriously – the day before the final competition. They performed Don't Stop Believing, but also injected Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs and Sun Goes Down by the Arctic Monkeys. Rachel was not completely satisfied with the playlist, but she knew Mr Shueser's club thrived on letting members pick their own numbers. New Directions themselves chose the Usher/Bon Jovi mash up as well as Halo and the Jay Z version of Empire State of Mind.

The stage was set for the auditorium after school. Will Shuester reflected that the hall would fill not because Glee club had found a popularity among the student body, but because the school wanted to ogle the phenomena that was a _whole club _of foreign exchange students.

Mr Gilbert believed himself to be the only one not in the least excited about the competition, but he was in fact wrong. Simon and Santana no longer cared much about competing. But there was someone else. The Head of Sixth's fault was demonstrated in the McKinley teacher's lounge. He was reading a newspaper, ignoring any other teacher, when a figure came into the room.

"I do believe you're new here," a woman in a blue tracksuit said slowly.

"Not new, not teaching here," said Mr Gilbert, looking up from his newspaper. "I'm in charge of the Cunning Runts." He snorted derisively at the name. "Mr what's-his-face wanted to take me to the school to show me around, but he's teaching."

"You're with Will Shuester?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Sue Sylvester," the woman said, extending a hand. Mr Gilbert shook it. "I coach the Cheerios around here. That's our cheerleaders."

"Phil Gilbert. I'm the Head of Sixth at Rudge Park."

"Call me a bad guesser but I'd say from your tone of voice you're less than happy about the arrangement you have with lesbian-hair boy." Coach Sylvester smiled knowingly.

"Very perspective. I was coerced into this from the beginning. It's not that I don't care about after school activities, it's just that…" He paused. "No, it's exactly that. The only reason I didn't tell him to fuck off was because we've got an Ofsted report coming up and between the Duke of Edinburgh awards and a student exchange program, I might just get to keep this job for another few years."

"You said you were Head of Sixth? Is that, like, a principal?"

"Sort of. We're under the principal. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," said Sue, smiling.

* * *

Will Shuester took the stage in the auditorium, smiling at all the faces in the crowd. He'd rarely seen a larger audience. Even the students that bullied the Glee club members were here.

"I'd now like to introduce the acting head of the Rudge Park Glee club, Mr Gilbert!" he said. His opposite number groaned and took the stage, surveying the sea of faces in front of him. When he spoke, it was as if he was reading from a poorly-prepared script.

"I'd like to introduce our club," he said monotonously, "the Running C… I mean the Cunning Runts."

Rachel Berry's finely tuned machine, as she had called them to psych out New Directions, came on and immediately went into their Arctic Monkeys rendition. They were not as polished as she would have liked, and didn't take it nearly as seriously as she would have liked. But they sang with heart. She supposed that was all she could ask for.

Once they had finished their set with a powerful Journey rendition, they took their seats to thunderous applause. Will and Rachel nodded to each other happily. Charlotte, Carli and Louise were taking bows and Mark was looking unusually happy. Will saw Neil just as he was ready to jump from the stage.

"Neil, no!" he said loudly, but it was in vain. His friend took an energetic stage dive, and fell onto a crowd of Juniors who couldn't take his weight. After his fall was broken briefly he fell further onto the auditorium floor.

After a moment of stunned silence, Neil lifted his head, his nose slightly bloody, and grinned.

"That was wicked!"

The silence turned into thunderous laughter and applause. Neil picked himself up and joined his club sitting down. New Directions came up next. Their three-song performance started with Halo, Mercedes doing lead vocals. Empire State of Mind was left to the end, as it was a show stopper. Artie performed the rap, leading to surprised faces from the Cunning Runts.

When the show finished, Mr Shuester reflected that it was the most applause New Directions had ever received. He consulted with Mr Gilbert, who incredibly, actually looked proud of his students.

"Two great performances from two great clubs," Mr Shue said, smiling at the audience. "But there can be only one winner. After speaking with Mr Gilbert, we have agreed on the winner. And that winner is…."

There was a pause and the audience were silent.

"New Directions!" a cheer ran out and Will and the others clapped. Rachel looked somewhat disappointed, but she clapped as well, and eventually broke out in a smile.

"I'd like to thank you all for coming out tonight," said Mr Shuester. "Our visiting club will be going home in two days so we're going to be having a small celebration in the Glee club practice room to honour the exchange program. You're all welcome to come."

* * *

At the party, Will saw very little of Simon and Neil, as they were both with Santana and Brittany respectively. Simon had a few weeks to go until the exchange program finished, and Will could tell he would enjoy them.

"It'll be sad to go," Simon was saying to Santana across the room. They were sitting on the benches, hand in hand. "This place is so much better than back home. If I didn't have to go back, I never would."

"You have summer vacation in your country, don't you?" Santana asked, smiling.

"I guess we do," he replied, smiling. "Hey, maybe I could even take you home! Show you around!"

"Maybe, said Santana, looking sad. She looked over at her best friend Brittany, who was kissing Neil. She wished she'd been more open with Simon earlier, and they could have had more time together.

The party went on for another two hours. When it was winding down, Simon and Santana eventually parted company and he joined Will, Jay, Donovan and Neil in the darkened corridors outside.

"Going to feel weird going back," said Will, contemplatively. "We all had a good time?"

"I gotta say, McKenzie, this has been good," said Donovan. "For the record, thanks for organising all this. You and Rachel."

"No problem, Mark."

"I'll catch you later, I just need Karofsky to spell his name so I can get him in Facebook," he said, leaving. "Oh, and McKenzie?"

"Yes, Mark?"

"This changes nothing, and if you _ever _tell anyone what I've just said, I'll stick a petrol bomb down your throat."

"Understood. See you later." Donovan walked away, leaving the four lads alone.

"Only a couple of weeks away, Si," said Will. "Don't need to get homesick."

"I don't want to go!" said Simon, suddenly choked. "You think I want to go _back _to it all? Granted, you lot are great, but the rest of it? The nonce teachers, being bullied, driving my shitty yellow _Cinquecento around? Suburban house parties where ____fuck all __happens and chasing after Carli for ages? No! Now I have a girlfriend here, and she's ____not __a soul crushing bitch! Plus, she's ____fit! __I know that's a bad reason, but it's all part of it, and-"_

"Chill out, Si," said Jay. "I know it's an arse, but what do we do? Right, Will?"

"Well, hang on, Jay," Will replied, thoughtfully. "You know, Si, you might get your wish."

"How?"

"Ever hear of the many-worlds theory?"

"I was never too good with all that science stuff," Simon replied.

__"Basically, it says there are like a million worlds where any sort of different thing happened. Like there's a world where Hitler won the war, or where Neil's dad is actually straight."

"I said my dad wasn't-"

"Shut up, Neil," said Simon, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "Keep going!"

"This whole thing with McKinley high, we've diverted pretty severely from our own timeline. Nothing here is impossible because we're already severely breaking canon."

"Breaking cannons? What the fuck are you talking about, Briefcase?" Jay demanded.

_"Canon, _Jay, not cannons. Canon is basically what's supposed to happen. What is real. This isn't real because in the main universe, we blatantly don't all go over to America."

"So, what are you saying?" said Simon, now impatient.

"I'm saying in this universe we very much could all stay in America. Who knows? Keep your eyes peeled."

Almost in answer to his words, Will Shuester came down the corridor, his phone to his ear. He was having a heated conversation with someone. Simon had never seen him so angry.

"I know you're in a bind!" he was saying, furiously, "but we're not married anymore! These are your problems, not mine!"

After hearing the caller's response, he continued raving. "I don't care about your department store! No, I don't know anyone who could start at short notice!" His eyes narrowed and he saw the boys standing there. He tried to smile and managed a weak wave.

After a moment, his eyes seemed to flash with resolution. "Hey, Terri?" he said, softer. "I think I might have a solution for you. Four guys, huh?" He gave a wry smile. "Terri, you ever heard of a H1B visa?"

Will, Jay and Neil were bewildered by his words, but Simon's features lit up. "I talked to him," he said, excitedly. "I told him how much I didn't want to go home."

"What's a H1B visa?" Jay asked.

Will suddenly caught on to what Simon was saying. "It's a Deus Ex Machina," he said breathlessly.

"A douchey-whaa?"

"Never mind," said Will. "I think he's barking up the wrong tree. We've got exams to do. A Levels to get."

"I'm sure he'll let us study at the same time," said Simon, an almost insane glimmer of hope in his voice. "I bet he would! And Gilbert would even help process things along, because he hates us! Especially you, Will!"

"It is true," Will agreed. "And you know, I read an article in the Metro that said the US High School diploma is like GCSEs and A Levels combined. We'd have the same level of qualifications, if we decided-"

"…If we decided to stay here," said Simon, finishing his sentence. Will could see the delight on his friend's face.

"Spin off?" he said, excitedly.

"Spin off."

* * *

**Two weeks later**

Things had been quiet at Rudge Park without McKenzie and his idiotic clan, Mr Gilbert thought to himself. Quiet because Will was the only student, Sixth Form or otherwise, that dared to come to his office unless it was strictly necessary. Naturally, he would have to find another willing stooge for the pointless student teacher activities that made his reports look so good, but that would come. Sitting in front of his office, talking to a group of students was the fat lump everyone referred to as Big John. He would certainly do.

More than anything, he was happy with the trade off. He reflected again on this when the red-tracksuited figure came into the Sixth Form common room. He saw her through the glass of his office. Heading over to where he saw the woman, Gilbert cleaned his throat and addressed the students.

"Shut up and listen for a moment, you little reprobates," he said, sternly. "I'd like to introduce our new cheerleading instructor, Coach Susan Sylvester!"

Carli, who thought that the woman looked familiar, asked, "do we have cheerleaders here?"

"We do now," said Mr Gilbert. "Signups are in a week. If you have any questions, for Christ's sake go to Coach Sylvester instead of me." He smiled shortly. That was how he liked things.

After she was done meeting the Sixth Formers, Sue Sylvester came into Mr Gilbert's office. He smiled uncharacteristically warmly.

"Thanks for doing this," he said.

"Well, there's an editor from The Sun, I think that's a newspaper here, who wants to turn Sue's Corner into a weekly column. I think he was in Lima on a publishing tour when he saw me." She smiled. "Besides, you don't know how refreshing it is to work with someone who isn't either an idiot, a shemale or a Mysophobic weirdo."

"Kind of gives the term 'Exchange program' a whole new meaning, doesn't it?" said Mr Gilbert, smiling. "Shuester gets my brats, and I get-"

"You get me," said the Coach, winking.

**The End**

**Hope you enjoyed!**


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